LIVE TO WORK OR WORK TO LIVE?
This question has been in the back of my mind for months. It came about as I was watching the (Golden Globe nominated????) Netflix original, Emily in Paris. The main character's fabulous French co-worker is describing Emily's inherent American-ness when he makes the comment, "You live to work, we work to live." The "we" he's referring to is the French. As for Emily, she represents us Americans who think we were placed on this earth simply to work and to work well, extremely well. High output, low maintenance.
I felt for Emily, and this fictional character's comment hurt my feelings. The glamour and romance of this story of an ambitious, young girl who leaves behind everything to pursue and marry her career has always been my day dream. I was a bit jealous of the French, though. What if we worked to live, like them? Would I be happier with a paycheck solely funding my bucket list of restaurants and foreign countries? Obviously not. Thats irresponsible, right?
I forgot about my Netflix induced existential crisis until I saw a Vice article bopping around social media. It was titled, "There is Nothing Natural About the Way We Work." (I will link it here. It's enlightening and worth the read,) It reinforces the same ideas about careers and discusses the views of anthropologists and authors regarding the implications of how we work. A few weeks later, I attended a talk hosted by my school about COVID-19 and the future of jobs post pandemic. I found myself tuning into a larger theme in the background of all the legal stuff. How should human beings "work" ?
You're probably thinking what I was at the time. The universe is trying to tell me something and that something is probably to "slow down". But if you're anything like me that is easier said than done. Phrases like "slowing down," "self care," and (the WORST of them all) "work-life balance" only add to your anxiety. You wonder if you're doing too much? Am I going to burn-out? What happened to work-hard, play-hard?
Most of us are programed to strive for greatness, and I still believe we should, and can, but without overworking ourselves. We can still be high output, but lets face it, our bodies and our minds, need the maintenance. After some reflection, I have put together three ideas that I plan to implement into my mindset surroundings jobs, working, and my overall career. Some simple mindful practices to change how I manage this inherent divide between working and living. I am by no means an expert, and my hope is that some of these ideas resonate with readers and spark thoughts and conversations.
Your co-workers are not your "family."
As we all adapt to working from home, everyone has experienced zoom calls with the occasional child bursting into the room or spouse/ roommate yelling a question to you while you're unmuted. It might feel like your boss and co-workers are sitting in your living room everyday, but they feel less and less like your family the more you are forced to welcome them into your home. During the talk hosted by my law school, the speaker provided a story about when his kids interrupted his meeting. Instead of kicking them out of his home-office, he propped them up on his lap, and introduced them to his co-workers. After that, the entire call spent a portion of the meeting discussing their families. This really emphasized how, in corporate America , your "work-family" is not, and never will be your family, family. Bonding exercises and team-building seminars can only go so far. These co-workers are, at best, very close friends. I am not saying you can't love the people you work with or have incredible friends in the office that feel like family. The point I am trying to make is that just because your corporation refers to themselves as a "work-family," does not determine the level of emotional obligations you owe to them.
Take any amount of time for your own family, friends, spouse, partner, roommate, etc., that you feel is necessary. Do not feel guilty if after five o'clock you want to listen to your sister vent and not your co-worker. If your company truly promotes this "work-family" ideal, it would be hypocritical if they didn't appreciate your roles outside of the office. If you feel as though your personal life is being jeopardized because of your work life, it is okay to set boundaries. You do not need to explain every time a family member is ill, or why you took a personal day. Remember to take note of the differences between a friendly inquiring into your well-being and a prying questionnaire as to why you did not attend yesterday's meeting.
It is okay to just pay the bills.
Another (kinda strange when you really think about it) theme in American corporate culture is that you MUST love what you do. How many times have your parents said "love what you do and you'll never work a day if you life!" ? Because I lost count. The truth is, even if you're one of the lucky ones who are obsessed with their job, you probably also still enjoy the occasional day off. Even the most successful people want to spend breakfast with friends without being bombarded by questions and comments about their job. Don't get me wrong, you're 100% allowed to love what you do. Right now, I can genuinely say I love law school, and I anticipate that I am going to relish in finally being a lawyer one day (fingers crossed). But even though I dream of a big, demanding corporate job, that doesn't mean that I don't (deep down) want vacation days without a call from the office. The Vice article I mentioned included an interesting quote from anthropologist, David Graeber. He said, “Huge swathes of people, in Europe and North America in particular, spend their entire working lives performing tasks they secretly believe do not really need to be performed." Even more astounding is a poll he took that found 37% of people in the UK thought their job was "pointless." I don't know what the percentage would be for America, but if I were to take an educated guess, I would say it's about the same.
Your job does not have to be glamorously demanding or promote the greater good of society. You don't have to be on track to becoming the next head of a Fortune-500 company if your ultimate goal is to just pay the bills. When I say just pay the bills, I don't mean you are necessarily struggling financially. What I mean is that you don't have to fall in love with your job, to fall in love with the opportunities a pay check gives you. That seemingly pointless job may become a lot less trivial if you make it a point to view it as your course of action toward to immersing yourself in your creative hobby or passion for traveling.
Self-care is whatever you want it to be.
Currently, my self-care is this blog. That doesnt mean I dont enjoy getting my nails done or reading a good book. (I don't really have an affinity for the whole relaxing bath thing though, I cannot sit still for that long.) My point is, self-care is whatever gives you that over-whelming sense of well-being. For me, that feelings comes from being fulfilled creatively. Hence why instead of sitting in a bath, I'm blogging. The colloquial idea of self-care has become monetized by a pretty aesthetic of candles and face masks. Plus, the fact that my bath isn't in a marble tub paired with perfect pink bumbles and a bottle of Veuve Clique makes it way less appealing than the Instagram picture captioned "Self-care is important!" I would argue that at the peak of the Pandemic, self-care meant whatever you needed to do to get through this actual living hell. People were isolated and scared. They leaned on things that comforted them, that made them feel good, secure, and more like a human being.
For me, self-care during the initial months of COVID was my daily check-list. It was making a plan, keeping a routine, and adding things to my to-do list like "workout" or "try the new recipe you found." If you have a hard time doing things for yourself, try adding the things you want to do to that list of things you need to do. As human beings, we instinctually want to perform and accomplish tasks that have a purpose. I want to challenge everyone to accept that working toward a state of well-being IS a purposeful task. Eventually, we'll start thinking of those hobbies and interests as more of a necessary part of our day to day, and not just a reward.
Even though COVID-19 has pushed us far into the future regarding what a post-pandemic work world may start to look like, nothing changes overnight. I know a lot of you, if not everyone, reading this has the everyday nine to five day-job. But maybe if you felt compelled to read this all the way through, it is time to start thinking about if you are living to work, or working to live? Full disclosure, I am the epitome of romanticizing a stressful career. But I am hopeful I can overcome this normalized ideal by taking some advice from the French.
